Trying To Get Started Again
I did a pretty good job of following the Four Golden Rules most of the day, though I did eat emotionally a little bit. Eating slowly is, as always, my challenge. Even when I ate emotionally, I managed to eat consciously, though. I think that’s a good thing.
I find myself profoundly depressed today. I know it’s a meds issue, so that’s comforting. That means that within a few days of being back on track with my meds, I should be okay again. I got off track when I was sick for a few days and sleeping a lot. It’s hard to properly manage meds when you’re asleep all day. It’s an odd depression; I’m not filling myself with self-loathing self-talk. I’m mostly just feeling hopeless. It was very hard to feel like getting started again was worth the effort. Of course, I know that it is. I felt so much better when I was on the program, following the Four Golden Rules more strictly. I had more energy and felt more positive. I felt more in control and like I was actively doing something to manage my life.
I watched the first DVD in my set, hoping that Paul McKenna’s “presence” would inspire me. It did a little bit, but not nearly as much as I had hoped for. I started watching the second DVD, but then realized that it’s the same thing as the CD that comes with the book, which I listen to each night. McKenna isn’t nearly as polished in the DVD set as he was in the television show I Can Make You Thin. It was interesting to see that.
It was also a bit distracting for me, watching a less professional version of Paul McKenna. I hope I don’t let that get in the way of this DVD set helping me. Notice the way I worded that … I hope I don’t let that get in the way. I’m fully aware that it would be my issues. Paul McKenna’s message is the same, and I believe in that message.
I’m almost through reading the book I Can Make You Thin; just a few more pages to go. I should finish it tonight. The book isn’t great — McKenna’s charisma and dynamic personality don’t shine through — but I’m glad to have read it nonetheless. The extra bit of support is well worth the money I paid for it. I also like having some of the exercises in written form, so that I can do them at my own pace. Sometimes McKenna went too fast for me in his TV show, especially when it came to remembering events from my past.
Well, if there’s anything I know about depression, it’s that I need to get enough sleep to help combat it. It’s 2:17 AM, so I’d better get to bed!
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