Hello world!

March 24, 2008 at 6:38 pm (Uncategorized) ()

Well, I’ve done it. I’ve been threatening for a few days now to start a blog about my adventures in overcoming overeating, and here it is. Today is Day Four of actively trying to eat when I’m hungry and then stopping when I’m satisfied — whatever the hell that means! Sometimes that means being physically satiated, but sometimes that means eating a little bit more, to appease my emotional hunger. It means trying to eat more consciously and really enjoying the food I am eating. I am working with the guidelines of Geneen Roth and Paul McKenna.

So, why am I doing this? Well, at 5’7″ and 313 pounds as of my last doctor’s appointment (on February 11), I have to do something.  My weight is affecting my quality of life and my health. I have diabetes, high triglycerides, and high blood pressure. I have trouble taking care of myself and trouble walking any distance at all.

But worse than my weight problem is my relationship with food. I am, I’m afraid, a compulsive eater. I eat because I’m happy and I eat because I’m sad. I eat because I’m bored, both in the moment and with my life.  The time I spend thinking about food and my weight is time I’m not spending thinking about the quality of my life and how to change it. It’s time I’m not spending thinking about what’s wrong with my life and the steps I might have to take to make it better. In other words, as miserable as it makes me, it also keeps me safe.

I went looking for blogs about compulsive eating and found a lot of diet blogs. I am, most emphatically not on a diet.  Diets don’t work for most people, yet most people continue to go on diets, and then blame themselves when the diet doesn’t work for them. I’m off that merry-go-round, although I have to admit that I’m considering following The Carbohydrate Addict’s Diet (I wish they didn’t call it that, as it’s really a lifestyle program) for two weeks to evaluate it’s efficacy for me. I haven’t dieted in years and thought I’d given up the idea totally, but I recently read this book, and the science in it made so much sense to me, that now I don’t know what to do. I’m impressed that no food is off-limits in the Carbohydrate Addict’s Diet, that it’s a matter of timing and balancing your food. But parts of it seem impractical to me, too. That’s why the two week evaluation period. Like so many other people, I have dieted and failed — or, more appropriately, dieted, succeeded and then regained the weight with a few extra pounds  — that I don’t think my psyche could withstand going through that cycle once again. Whatever I do will have to include conscious eating. That really makes a lot of sense to me and I think it is compatible with another program.

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